How To Talk About School Shootings With Your Children
By Margaret R. Paccione-Dyzlewski, PhD
School shootings and gun violence have become a horrible reality in the U.S.
The latest, at Apalachee High School in Winder, Georgia, is another example of these tragic events that fill our screens and our hearts. All mass shootings are distressing, but school shootings can be particularly difficult for children.
Children and adolescents mostly perceive schools as safe places, so learning about school shootings can trigger anxiety. Although active shooter drills are meant to prepare children for such incidents, participating in them can be extremely stressful.
The good news is that there are ways that parents and caregivers can help children cope with the trauma of gun violence.
Get the facts.
Before you talk to your child, make sure you know what happened so you can speak honestly and respond to questions.
Sort out your own feelings first.
Tragic events can be incredibly stressful. Before speaking with your child, it’s important to understand how you are feeling. Children can sense when adults are nervous or anxious. That doesn’t mean you have to hide your feelings. It’s ok to let your child know that this has affected you too. Being open shows that you care and that it’s appropriate for your child to express their feelings too.
Plan the conversation.
Be prepared. Take time to plan what you want to say and find a quiet place. Write it down in advance, or even practice in a mirror first. Communicating calmly and with confidence will help to reassure your child that they are safe.
Ask the child questions.
It’s helpful to understand what your child knows about an event like a school shooting. They may have received information through the news, social media or friends at school. Not all of this may be factually accurate. Provide age-appropriate details and take your cues from your child about how much to share. Once you’ve established what happened, you can move on to talking about feelings.
Allow your child to ask questions.
Give your child an opportunity to ask questions about what happened. Be truthful and honest in your response and try to frame things in a way that is appropriate to your child’s age. If you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s ok to say that. Remember that children are all unique in the way they process the world.
Provide reassurance.
One of your most important roles as a parent or caregiver is to provide a sense of safety for your child. School shootings are traumatic because they undermine children’s sense of security. Let your child know that you will do everything you can to keep them safe and that others (teachers, police, school resource officers) are also working to keep them safe. Encouraging your child to come to you with any questions or concerns will also help to reestablish a sense of safety.
Take care of yourself.
School shootings are upsetting for parents and caregivers too. You need to look after yourself in order to be there to support your child. Spend time with your own support system and prioritize self-care.
Get help.
If your child exhibits ongoing signs of stress and anxiety reach out to your primary care pediatrician or ask your school about sources of support.
Get Mental Health Care
We’d love to connect you or someone you know with mental health care. To refer a child/teen/adolescent or yourself, please call (877) 992-2422 or click here to make a referral. Bradley REACH’s expert teams of psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and nurses provide intensive mental health care and therapy to teams and families, virtually, in New England, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Florida.
DISCLAIMER:
The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this website are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
If you or your child are in crisis or experiencing mental health problems please seek the advice of a licensed clinician or call 988 or Kids Link in Rhode Island.
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